I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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