May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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