why didn't you poke me back
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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