yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize