wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
