By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
