Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
