I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
