I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
