I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
