When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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