we have officially lost it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
