Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
