my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
