I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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