Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
