I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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