We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
