im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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