people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
