theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
