as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
