Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
