I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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