You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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