I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
