CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
