They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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