I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He passed out mid-signature
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
