If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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