how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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