Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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