If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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