May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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