The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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