he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
