Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
