i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
