How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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