you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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