I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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