You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
