I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
