In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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