my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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