Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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