I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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