at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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