alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
