Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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