I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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