My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
