It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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