I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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