My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
