oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
