are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
