I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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