smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
