Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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