How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
