i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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