i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fuck appropriateness.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
