You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
