Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
