That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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