I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
