I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
