I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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