so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every concussion has its silver lining
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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