My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
