my vag is so smooth its legendary
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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