my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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