You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh god it's open bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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