why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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