i need an iv and a liver transplant
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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