sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we're so committed to being not committed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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