so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
