I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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